dreams. plans. happening now!

In case you haven't heard, the October LSAT did not exactly go as planned. I got the same exact score as the last time I took the test. This was extremely disappointing for me to hear. I found out on Friday evening and dealt with the sadness, denial and anger (mostly) on that night.

Saturday morning was spent trying to salvage plans and dreams that seemed out of my reach now. Yesterday I came to the realization that I need to beat this test. It's won two battles, but I have one more chance to dominate.

I have registered for the December LSAT. I'll take this stupid (insert a variety of curse words, including AVADA KEDAVRA) test for the last time on December 11th and should know my score after Christmas.

I have 40 days (including today) and I'm hitting the books HARD. I will be studying for about 4 hours a day (at least). There are 60 "PTs" (prep tests=real administered LSATs) available. I've taken about 15 or so in preparation for my other tests. Before the December LSAT, I want to take all of the remaining tests. That's about one a day. One PT takes about 4 hours to take, not including reviewing of answers. I need to get a strong average going. I'll also be practicing Reading Comprehension every morning right when I wake up because I tend to lose points if it's the first section on a test. I have the Logic Games Bible and will be working through that in it's entirety along with the rest of my practice problems/homework from my class. I also have a friend from class that will be studying with me.

I'm planning on using this blog to keep me accountable not only for LSAT-related things, but running, eating healthy, and being in control of my life. This will not be particularly exciting, but I think it needs to happen.

Tomorrow's Plan:

Take Indy to the dog park early AM

Give Indy a bath at Dirty Dog (yay clean puppy!)

Take a PT at Barnes and Noble ---review answers thoroughly

Groceries

Make lemon/parmesan broccoli pasta for dinner

Indy's Agility class from 7-8

Do the dishes!

To sleep early so I can run Wednesday morning

Adrift

Since graduating, 'adrift' best describes how I feel. I'm still glad I'm taking a year off between Whitworth and law school, but it feels just like a stop-gap effort. I'm living in an apartment...for a little while. I'm trying to find a job...but not a permanent one. I need a job I'll like (at least marginally) ...but can leave after 9 months. I took the LSAT...but I'm waiting for results that will directly change the course of my future (no pressure).

It's frustrating to feel so without purpose. Even on my "productive days," I get up early, run at Town Lake, take Indy to the dog park, give him a bath..........that's it. I've been watching loads of TV and reading a bunch, but I just feel so lost! I'm sure I'll miss all this free time the second I get a job, but it feels like it's smothering me right now.

I have a lot of good stuff to look forward to in the future though, so I'll focus on that. A week in Spokane (heaven!) with amazing amazing people, Indy's agility classes starting up, Indy getting old enough that I can take him running with me, going out more frequently, going on some dates with my online suitors (woohoo), and discovering more about Austin! There, I feel better already, cold aside.

it is finished.

LSAT conquered. dominated. subjugated to my will.

20 days til scores are released.

the Beast looms...

The LSAT is Saturday. The LSAT is SATURDAY. THE LSAT IS SATURDAY!

No lie, I am freaking out a little. However, I earned my best score ever (!!!) on Tuesday when I took my last practice test. Seriously, it was fabulous. I was planning to take one more today, but I didn't want to ruin my serious injection of good mojo.

So much depends on this silly little test. I'm trying not to think about it too hard, but it is reality. 3 points could drastically change my future! Yikes. Oh well, any improvement I make over last December will be well worth it.

As a well-deserved (in my opinion) reward for working my butt off on the LSAT, I get to visit Spokane on the 13th! I'm very excited! I kind of wanted to visit a little later to ration out the awesomeness, but with no viable employment offers currently, it made the most sense. I'm looking forward to almost a week of friends, fall, Greenbluff?, and chai! There are so many people I want to see. Friday frisbee? Running in gorgeous weather? Hanging out in the coffee shop or in the Loop. Ahhh...

LSAT studying is ramping up. I don't have that many days left before, the "big day." Gosh, I am quite a bit nervous. It's been going pretty well though. I have class 2x a week from 6:00-10:00 (pm!). So that's 8 hours a week right there. Plus, I'm hoping to take around 3-4 practice tests a week AND study around 2 hours a day additionally. It feels like a lot but that is the reason why I quit (well one of the reasons why I quit) my job.

Plus, it's not like I have a whole heck of a lot else to do. I've been struggling with loneliness and isolation pretty much since I left Spokane. Indy helps, but it's pretty darn lonely here. It's really mostly my fault though. Especially the last couple of weeks. I just don't want to do anything but sit on my couch and watch bad TV. It's frustrating. I know I should go be with people but something is holding me back. I don't know if it's fear or laziness or what. I miss Whitworth. I miss having so many awesome people around me at all time. Community was easy there.

Sorry this is such a complain-fest. I just don't like not understanding myself. I miss being happy.

another post about Indy

This is mostly for me, but I wanted to write down my training goals for Indy (especially now that he is pretty much a teenager!).

• Better manners at greeting people (no jumping!)
• Sits in his bed when people come in until released
• Walks better on a leash (this is really my fault, I've been taking him to off-leash dog parks so often that the dude hasn't really had a chance to learn)
• 100% at "leave it" "drop it" "come" (we are at 90% currently) and "down"
• At least 1 more awesome trick ala Avada Kedavra
• Longer sit-stays and down-stays, even if I run away
• Fetch (he kinda gets it...)
• He needs to figure out cats. He did try to be friendly this morning and licked one, but it was not a fan.

This is kind of all in preparation for our first Agility class on October 26th. Yes, this is a long time away. Yes, I'm freaking out because he's never been in a group class and I'm super worried he's just gonna go bananas. I want to be prepared and on top of things. I don't really know a ton about agility but it seems really fun and he's definitely smart/athletic enough for it!

Plus it gives something for me to worry on that isn't the LSAT. Yikes. October 9th guys.

Inspiration

What is it about sports that has the power to inspire us so much?

Having just watched the Blind Side and Invictus ( I had a migraine, ok?), I was wondering just this. Why are there some many movies about sports? It isn't just that they are fun to watch or that we are, by nature, competitive people. I'm sure that is part of it, but you could just watch the gazillion NFL games or college football games going on. There has to be something beyond just winning. It's not just the trophy that matters.

I think that sports are things that cannot be won without blood, sweat, and tears. There is something honest about the work required to succeed at sports and the power of a team. Even the most talented individual cannot win a football or rugby or soccer or basketball game by themselves. Maybe that's why individual sports don't really appeal to me as much. There is a dependence and trust upon your fellow players in team sports that can't be matched by golf or tennis (though I'm sure they have their appealing features as well).

Being forced to depend on each other breaks down barriers that might otherwise survive. How can personalities, race, or politics matter when you have to get the frisbee to the other end of the field. It may seem trivial to some, but in the moment the game is the most important thing. It allows us to transcend the things that appear more important in "real life."

This poem serves as the theme of Invictus. I think, in a way, it captures how I feel about sport and about perseverance.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The great stories are never without struggle. They have to walk the line between failure and success, and win. To quote Veronica Mars:

Veronica: "Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think relationships should be that hard?"

Logan: "No one writes songs about the ones that come easy."