LSAT studying is ramping up. I don't have that many days left before, the "big day." Gosh, I am quite a bit nervous. It's been going pretty well though. I have class 2x a week from 6:00-10:00 (pm!). So that's 8 hours a week right there. Plus, I'm hoping to take around 3-4 practice tests a week AND study around 2 hours a day additionally. It feels like a lot but that is the reason why I quit (well one of the reasons why I quit) my job.

Plus, it's not like I have a whole heck of a lot else to do. I've been struggling with loneliness and isolation pretty much since I left Spokane. Indy helps, but it's pretty darn lonely here. It's really mostly my fault though. Especially the last couple of weeks. I just don't want to do anything but sit on my couch and watch bad TV. It's frustrating. I know I should go be with people but something is holding me back. I don't know if it's fear or laziness or what. I miss Whitworth. I miss having so many awesome people around me at all time. Community was easy there.

Sorry this is such a complain-fest. I just don't like not understanding myself. I miss being happy.

another post about Indy

This is mostly for me, but I wanted to write down my training goals for Indy (especially now that he is pretty much a teenager!).

• Better manners at greeting people (no jumping!)
• Sits in his bed when people come in until released
• Walks better on a leash (this is really my fault, I've been taking him to off-leash dog parks so often that the dude hasn't really had a chance to learn)
• 100% at "leave it" "drop it" "come" (we are at 90% currently) and "down"
• At least 1 more awesome trick ala Avada Kedavra
• Longer sit-stays and down-stays, even if I run away
• Fetch (he kinda gets it...)
• He needs to figure out cats. He did try to be friendly this morning and licked one, but it was not a fan.

This is kind of all in preparation for our first Agility class on October 26th. Yes, this is a long time away. Yes, I'm freaking out because he's never been in a group class and I'm super worried he's just gonna go bananas. I want to be prepared and on top of things. I don't really know a ton about agility but it seems really fun and he's definitely smart/athletic enough for it!

Plus it gives something for me to worry on that isn't the LSAT. Yikes. October 9th guys.

Inspiration

What is it about sports that has the power to inspire us so much?

Having just watched the Blind Side and Invictus ( I had a migraine, ok?), I was wondering just this. Why are there some many movies about sports? It isn't just that they are fun to watch or that we are, by nature, competitive people. I'm sure that is part of it, but you could just watch the gazillion NFL games or college football games going on. There has to be something beyond just winning. It's not just the trophy that matters.

I think that sports are things that cannot be won without blood, sweat, and tears. There is something honest about the work required to succeed at sports and the power of a team. Even the most talented individual cannot win a football or rugby or soccer or basketball game by themselves. Maybe that's why individual sports don't really appeal to me as much. There is a dependence and trust upon your fellow players in team sports that can't be matched by golf or tennis (though I'm sure they have their appealing features as well).

Being forced to depend on each other breaks down barriers that might otherwise survive. How can personalities, race, or politics matter when you have to get the frisbee to the other end of the field. It may seem trivial to some, but in the moment the game is the most important thing. It allows us to transcend the things that appear more important in "real life."

This poem serves as the theme of Invictus. I think, in a way, it captures how I feel about sport and about perseverance.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The great stories are never without struggle. They have to walk the line between failure and success, and win. To quote Veronica Mars:

Veronica: "Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think relationships should be that hard?"

Logan: "No one writes songs about the ones that come easy."

Focus

The LSAT is less than a month away. The LSAT is LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY. THE LSAT IS LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY.

This is pretty much what is going round and round my head. In short, I'm freaking out a little. It's so crucial that I do well. A good score increase means a heckuva lot more opportunities for me. I want to go to a good school and hopefully not at full price. I'm feeling pretty good about my progress and my potential score. My class is taking another practice test tomorrow so that'll be interesting to see what the score is.

In other news, I quit my job. This goes along with the theme of focus. I'm aiming to be spending around 3-4 hours a day studying the LSAT. I talked with my dad about it and we went back to the whole 7 Habits of Highly Effective People thing, you have to put the big rocks in before you put the little ones. My "big rock" is the LSAT but it was getting squished by the "little rock" of work. I don't have to work right now. (for this month anyways) I have to do well on the LSAT. The end.

Cooking update. I made Indian food! The sauce was pre-made but I made the Basmati rice, grilled the chicken, and made Naan bread. It was really good! I added lemon juice, cilantro, and curry powder. I put butter in just about everything. I firmly believe that when in doubt, add butter.

Tomorrow I'm making good ole Manghetti for some friends. Vodka sauce, parmesan cheese, ground turkey, garlic bread and maybe a salad? I really like to cook, but it's hard to do it just for one person and I hate wasting food.

One last thing, I really like the show, Weeds. I just started season 2 and am SO glad they changed the theme song that plays during the credits. It used to annoy the crap of out of me. I hate the word "ticky-tacky" still.

I don't understand how it doesn't compute to people that playing music loudly at MIDNIGHT on a week night is really NOT OK.

Why would you think it was ok? Especially after I asked you very politely to turn it down.

Nostalgia

1 year ago, I was moving in to the Yellow house (let's be honest, we never called it the Yellow Submarine or the Magic Schoolbus) and getting a mattress home with a piece of twine with Calli. Laura made us delicious crockpot food (lentil chili, yum!) and we had wine around a squished dinner table. Arend and East dominated at Mock Rock and Yell-Off and I felt like I was home again.

2 years ago, I was a month in to BISP. Starting to get a bit tired, starting to understand the Tube. Already loving kebabs and Indian food. Learning how to be independent and brave. Figuring out (with limited success) how to meet guys in bars. Having "Mama Iris" get me all dressed up for going out and watching drunk Tyler S. getting chased down the street by Zach. There was pole-dancing and Joe, J-O-E, Joe.

3 years ago, I was starting my year as a RA in Arend. Probably one of the most important, hardest, full of laughter, BEST years ever. I was still so intimidated of most of the people on the team. I didn't know how I got the job. I still don't know. I was making a poster of a sad cat to keep people out until 10 am and Scott helped me put up streamers for hours. Emily had a squashed foot.

4 years ago, I was starting my time at Whitworth. I was scared, excited and frequently sweaty. A chance run-in with Scott and an invitation to watch the Office started an awesome friendship. Dani King knew everyone and danced like a fiend, so did Tyler Hamilton. I had a short-lived crush on Jesse and took my first sociology class with Raja. I loved learning the Yell-Off cheers and wooing, but wasn't big on Mock Rock. (I suck at choreography unless it's simple and repetitive).

4 years ago, I came home for the first time to a place called Whitworth. It's hard for me to summarize the way the past 4 years have changed me, but as they say in Wicked, "I have been changed for good." I miss feeling at home. Yes, I'm back in my hometown, but Whitworth was the first place I really felt accepted and loved for who I was. I wasn't just the dork that Stephanie Rosenfeld made fun of in 6th grade (ok, it was really scarring, alright?). I got to be who I wanted to be and people actually liked me.

It's not November yet, but consider this my thanksgiving post.